Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
