toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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