She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
