Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
