I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
