You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
