Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
