i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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