i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
