apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
