He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
