i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
