got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
