I'm really into asian looking animals
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
