Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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