Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
COCAINE IS GR8
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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