I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need water and some morals
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
