hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
