Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
