I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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