Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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