Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
