i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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