Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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