i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
