Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
