Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
