I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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