bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
