The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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