Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
