i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
