just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
