oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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