im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
