drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this boner is exhausting
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
