I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
