I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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