a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
