I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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