dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
