that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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