So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
