Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
