she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
