How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
