you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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