Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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