He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
