I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
