For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
