Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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