apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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