His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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