I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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