I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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