I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
