yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my liver is dry heaving
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
