Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
