So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
