All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
