It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
