Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
