If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
