This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
