Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize