It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
