You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
