Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
