too bad you live with your parents still
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
