I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
