Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
