I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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