If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
